Pants Seats

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Are where my eyes have spent an inappropriate amount of time focussing lately. Continuing on my rampage of rethinking the basics of men’s fashion, I knew that pants were in desperate need of updating. Let’s gloss over the unfortunately fact that even with some gender bending modern trends…

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pants are just about the only option for gents to cover their lower bodies. If I stay in business long enough I’ll certainly put some effort into this, but for now there are some more immediate problems to deal with!

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For one the pants-worn-around-the-thighs trend keeps getting worse, and if we don’t intervene NOW we may reach the point of no return. How did this even got started one has to ask?!?!

The real problem – as with all of fashion – is essentially that we’re trying to fit a flat piece of fabric round one of the oddest shaped parts of the human body. Add to that that this specific flat piece of fabric is required to sustain an incredible amount of stress through the motion of walking. Technology-wise it’s an absolute nightmare.

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As with most of the world’s problems, we’d be easily able to side-step this issue if we didn’t have to accommodate genitals. Darn you evolution!! Were we able to have the crotch of the pants immediately in the join of the legs, having the pant legs move along with yours would be a breeze.

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Unfortunately this is not the case, and deference must be given to that essential part of male anatomy. Bespoke pants have one side of the leg cut with more room for the jewels, while keeping the crotch where it needs to be for comfortable movement. However, due to the variation is dress side and size, this tailoring technique is excluded from off-the-peg fashion.

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Here the crotch is kept below the vital region, accomodating the personal belongings of the average man, but at the same time creating a restrictive join which limits the natural movement of the legs. Due to this, an undue amount of strain is placed on the crotch seam with each step, resulting in the most common of all clothing tears right in the danger zone of the pants.

An intriguing issue is also the primitive nature of the pattern pieces themselves, which are being modernized as…we speak. (yes, I actually stopped typing after ‘as’, did some patterning and returned to finish ‘we speak’, just to ensure the sentence was entirely true as well as intriguing).

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You’ll be hard pressed today to find a pair of pants without four J-seams forming the crotch, and it seems this method of generating pants has remained unchanged for an obscene amount of time.

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Fear not though readers, for my mind and hands have been excessively active in addressing these concerns, and a new form, fit, and entire concept of pants will soon broaden your purchasing options when needing to cover the nakedness of your lower body.

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