I’m a complete snob when it comes to tailoring, and I own it with impunity.

I’ve also been in this business for three and a half years, so I know that corners often have to be cut in order to keep the wheels turning. To be honest…just between us…I’m a master of cutting corners to ensure orders go out on time, while still looking absolutely perfect.

There are so many ways one can cut down on time by skipping a step here and there without anyone being any the wiser at all.

Unlike…for example

Just not bothering to cut loose threads, which is my pet peeve! I mean…did you not notice these, or did you just decide it was someone else’s problem? Perhaps you thought it was your client’s job to neaten up your work?

I’ve been interviewing for tailors since I started this business in 2014, and if they pass the  first two tests (‘thread this sewing machine correctly…no idiot, UNDER the uptake spring’, and ‘pad-stitch this piece of scrap…are you unable to see that this isn’t making a chevron pattern?’) I give them a basic alteration job. I wanted the above (originally bootleg) pants to be tapered, and the genius applicant took them in on only one side…resulting in the fall of the trousers being completely off.

And giving me what can only be described as a fabric vagina…

FOR WHAT FUCKING REASON?!?!?! I mean…for heaven’s sake!! It’s a fucking job interview as a FUCKING BESPOKE TAILOR and your one job is to taper a pair of pants and you opt to take one side in 4cm and leave the other untouched…

Then call a week later and ask if you got the job…NO YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE no wonder people in this city are loath to visit a tailor you FUCKING MORON!!

Above is the worst button hole I’ve ever seen!! No wait…

Here this genius (these are some pants brought to me by a designer. He had them made by a CMT…obviously a shit one) put the button hole on the wrong side, and just slapped a button over it.

Now let’s be clear about this. The tailor who made this was not stupid, or unaware of the correct placement. I’ll confess straight up that I’ve made this mistake before. But unlike this gentleman, I simply removed the waistband and redid that section of the pants. I didn’t just proudly hand it to the client with a smile and the bill.

My final rant is for this beautiful Paul Smith jacket that I wanted taken in a bit at the back.

It’s basically the simplest alteration you can do on a jacket…but somehow this genius fucked it up! And the more people I interview to work for me the worse my wardrobe gets because God knows I can’t test them on something belonging to a client.

What gets me is that it’s not a lack of skill or intelligence, but a lack of pride in the job combined with pure laziness. Mistakes happen, hems are uneven, seams come out funny for no apparent reason…

But you don’t just hand it over to the client, or your prospective employer, with a smile and an open hand asking for payment. You fucking unpick that shit, iron it again, rethink your life choices, and redo it properly.

Having said that, I’ve managed not to fire Antonio and Thabo so far (this is actually the longest I’ve kept an employee without loosing my shit and telling them to pack up on the spot and get the fuck out). Although they do drive me up the bend almost every day, their willingness to learn and dedication to doing a good job are worth the trauma it causes me.

And since I’m yet to find someone who can take up a hem decently (note I didn’t even say perfectly) without constant supervision, I need to go do 5 wedding trouser hems myself.

Stay strong dapper gents, the robots are coming 😉

Till then I’ll have to trust Antonio to at least iron decently 😉 Check out my review of these 100% Organic Cotton Socks on The Green Tailor

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The Studio is at 625 Levinia Street, Garsfontein, and open every Thursday from 10am to 10pm or By Appointment. You can also subscribe to this blog by hitting the follow button, and join the monthly newsletter here for fashion scandal and awesome designs.